Cigarette butts, tempting her to take a closer peek -
An ash tray in the kitchen by itself, spilling over.
Lucky Strikes had no filters; back then, they reeked,
Encased with lipstick stains - New York grandma’s leftovers.
Quietly, the 10-year-old drudged up two butts, ends smashed,
Straightened and placed them gently in her denim jeans.
Can’t be broken; must keep them safe; she patted her stash
And quietly pushed through the screen door, sight unseen,
Sprinting to the far corner of the house – the safest place to be.
Always had a book of matches, unused since they’d been found.
She grinned, “Let me light the match like they do on TV.”
Slowly sinking to the grass, she blocked out every sound.
The late afternoon soothing sun warmed her legs and arms.
The match flamed and lit the butt. She puffed and coughed.
Suddenly she sat straight up and sucked in her breath with alarm.
There he was, at the other end of the house, jaw taut.
He walked toward her. Waiting for only a second, she stood up.
Her grandfather couldn’t catch her, for she ran like a gazelle.
She was scared; scared he would tell her folks how she screwed up.
But it was family night out; any issue of blame was soon dispelled.
Everyone wandered outside, hungry; the sun was evening warm.
Suddenly, she and he were left alone. A knot formed in her chest.
Got to leave, got to avoid hearing his scolding, or parent’s alarm.
He gently took her wrist, speaking firmly but softly, not distressed.
“Don’t ever do that again. Do you hear me?” he said with concern.
She shook her head, murmured, “Yes,” but knew there’d be more.
But there was no more; not mom’s lecture or a lesson to be learned.
No payback; why, she mused? It bothered only a day, not heart sore.
Time passed; her grandparents died. Age left its mark on her as well.
Her mom was very ill; her pain assuaged recalling sweeter days.
The girlhood cigarette tale her mom hadn’t heard; it didn’t ring a bell.
Warmth flooded her senses; grandpa had not given her story away.
The memory remained just between them - the first to show her trust;
Ten years old and treated with respect – to her a man august.
